Bronnie and I would have been married 20 years today had he lived. As we got married on his birthday, he would also have been aged 60 today.
Bronnie was greying at the temples at the time of his passing anyway, so it is not hard to imagine he would have looked even more distinguished at 60. I never met him, but I’m told his father, Bronnie Sr., had the same timeless good looks and sexy older man vibe.
With that vibe, was a set of New England, old-school manners which I miss. I do try not to hold up a mirror to the men I meet with Bronnie’s reflection constantly in it, but it is hard not to find them wanting when held to that standard.
Yes, I can hold a door open for myself and pull out a chair for myself and, of course, there is no reasoned mandate for any man to get up when I rise from a dinner table. There’s no need, but, again, I miss it.
Even forgiving what one might call old-fashioned predilections, I still find it hard to watch an able man fight a woman or child for a seat on the train, or barge through a door before me without an excuse-my-manners acknowledgement.
Pro female empowerment, I nevertheless miss the chivalry that Bronnie left behind. If that warrants a poke in the eye with a burning bra, so be it. Good manners in the opposite sex is, well, a very sexy thing, no?
As is clean, short fingernails; a cream pair of chinos, blue blazer, pink striped shirt and French suede loafers without socks in summer. Alpha males always look good in baby colours.
And smell. After confiscating every vat of ‘Old Spice’ Bronnie owned, ‘Chanel Pour Monsieur’ became his signature aftershave. I wore it every day this week since I believe gender in perfumery is a ruse designed for manufacturers to sell more product. A great fragrance is a great fragrance and is genderless.
With this amount of remembrance detail, I worry sometimes I can’t quite remember Bronnie’s voice. I remember there was a cultured burr to his voice, and I remember there was an indefinable timbre to it as well, but I find it hard to remember his voice in complete sentences.
How can I see Bronnie everywhere still, and yet struggle to remember his voice?
Hopefully, I’m not hearing this makes me a bad wife on our 20th wedding anniversary today and Bronnie’s 60th birthday.