My son Hart and his bestie Ciara have a poignant and hilarious podcast called ‘Why Don’t You Love Me?’ “A weekly deep dive into the nooks and crannies of sex and relationships. Talking through the ups, the downs, and the round-and-rounds of every aspect of modern relationships.”
And each week I listen from behind a metaphorical sofa, my hands partially covering my ears and my big toe hovering over Alexa’s off switch in case I have to slam them both shut at short notice.
Because we go from knowing everything about our children – what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with – to not wanting to know. (Those of you currently raising cute young things are undoubtedly recoiling at the thought of distancing yourself from your offspring. Come and find me in, say, 15 years’ time to shake my hand – and sob uncontrollably on my shoulder. I’ll wait.)
So, the episode entitled ‘Feels Like The First Time,’ was the episode I just knew I would be wishing Hart and Ciara’s podcast farewell as I voted myself off that island.
Mercifully, it wasn’t too graphic, although the story about what my son aged 8 wanted to do with the guy who thatched our roof many years ago…
Being said, that podcast episode did get me reminiscing about some of my own firsts. Gosh, how quickly we forget the angst, the joy and absolutely exhilarating terror of being that age.
- First romantic movie – ‘A Star Is Born’ with Barbara Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. Still my preferred version, which was also the very first album I bought on cassette tape. (Permission to slap any young person in the near vicinity who asks what a cassette tape is.)
- First kiss – mostly wet, like an enthusiastic sheep dog slobbering and puking saliva over my face, only less enjoyable.
- First heartbreak – turned out the young man who had pursued me for months with witty anecdotes and intelligent quips already had a boyfriend. I should have known by the good shoes.
- First crush – My English teacher. Come to think of it, he had a thing with shoes as well – platform shoes.
- First sex – my thinking alternated between:
- Is this it?
- Should I have provided a map? and
- “No, that’s not it, keep digging.”
I’ll stop there, as I’ve just finished listening to the episode about boundaries – the gist being to set some.
As my boundary fence will need to be a big one to keep out too much knowledge of all my son’s nooks and crannies and ins and outs, it is very feasible you will come to know way more about my son than I do in the coming months.
And if you love me, really love me, let’s keep it that way.