I love to gift, surprise people or give of my time where that is possible. What I’m not so shiny at is receiving gifts or kindness from other people. If Freud lived next door, he would no doubt attribute this bad habit to one of not feeling worthy of receiving. The “Who do you think you are?” syndrome. And he might well be right.
But recently, I have been in the unfortunate (and fortunate) position of having to receive kindness and help. Lots of it. And, actually, when I gave in to receiving this help it was, well, quite nice. Being a capable sort of human being, I don’t often experience the relief of letting someone else take charge and make decisions. My twin sister looked after me and did just that during a bout of illness – and it was humbling in its sincerity. There are no words enough to thank her for what she gave me, including realising the selfishness of not allowing people to be as magnanimous as I like to be.
Now that I am in the recovery phase and able to see people again, several of them have said “I wish you’d given me the opportunity to help you.” Prior to my sister giving me the gift of her time, I would have waved away the sentiment as not necessary.
This is my muse today since I received a wonderful bouquet of unexpected flowers from a friend… and I bit off the words “You shouldn’t have,” before they made it outside of my mouth.